How to Overcome Procrastination

The festive season is coming to an end. The Bountys’ lie dejected in the Celebrations box. The fairy lights will soon be neatly packed away, waiting to reemerge next year in an inconceivable tangle. A sense of foreboding returns as work, school and university responsibilities shake us rudely awake from our Betwixtmas slumber. I have once again taken to idly scrolling Instagram for others’ New Year’s resolutions; such are the traditions of January.

January, for me at least, is an entire month of that anxiousness you feel before public speaking or an interview. You are stressed because of an upcoming event – in January’s case, the entire year – but bored because nothing is happening right now. It is precisely this feeling which drives me to procrasti-baking. Whilst in school, I was a procrastination connoisseur. I would miss deadline after deadline, often because I was terrified that my work would not be up to scratch, the solution to which was simply not doing the work in the first place (or so my therapist said). It is a blessing and  a curse; I am now excellent at deep cleaning my room and bullet journalling, but I do have to keep a check on it. Unfortunately, university is not so forgiving when you hand in a piece of work four weeks late alongside a beautifully crafted story about how your laptop broke and the printer ran out and your dog ate the essay entitled ‘Is Heathcliff misunderstood in Wuthering Heights?” (Spoiler: no.)

Jokes aside, procrastination is not as fun as it appears. I was frequently filled with an appalling sense of dread as deadlines approached, and my procrastination was often simply  trying to bring myself down from the edge of a panic attack in the school toilets. It was not that I did not want to do the work, but that I wanted to do it perfectly and the thought of not doing so was paralysing. But you simply cannot procrastinate at a professional level and succeed in other areas; it is a full-time job.I am not exaggerating about the therapist. It was a major talking point in our chats about eating disorders, anxiety and depression – I tried hypnosis, Cognitive Behavioural, Therapy Dialectical Behavioural Therapy,…procrastination was always in there somewhere. And from all these fun, joyous sessions I picked up a couple of tips which have made my procrastination manageable, however tempting blissful ignorance might be.

1.Write a list

I’m not going to tell you how to do it. Some people say biggest thing first; some say easiest. Some say write a ‘To Do’ list and then a ‘Done’ list; some say write one every day, week or month. However you write your list, it really does help. My dad would often describe my stress and anxiety as a wall. As one, solid, towering object it was insurmountable, but if I broke it down into individual bricks, it became scaleable. Of course, I frequently use list writing as productive procrastination – advanced procrastination where you do small ‘productive’ things to avoid a looming deadline, but lists tend not to be infinite and so this only works for a limited period of time. You really can break tasks down to the minute level if you need. Essay To Do lists , for example, often included:

  • 1. Title
  • 2. Introduction
  • 3. Google (insert complicated term)

etc, etc.

2. Do SOMETHING

It’s all fine well writing the list – now start it. It doesn’t need to be the first bullet point. It doesn’t need to be the most important task, the most terrifying one, the most urgent one. Once you make a start on the list, it seems less scary. After you’ve crossed off ‘write title and date’ you can start on ‘make bed’ and before you know it, you’ve crossed off ‘hand in history coursework.’

3. Buy the Forest app

Or any app, but this one worked for me. Each time you want to focus on a task, but your phone keeps telling you that Urban Outfitters have a sale, or that your mum has texted, or that your group whatsapp has imploded in a discussion conducted entirely though Kardashian gifs, simply tap on the app and viola. A little tree will be planted, and the longer you ignore notifications (or better yet, turn them off) the more intricate and beautiful your tree will be. If you do succumb to the call of technology before the tree is fully grown however, it will perish and you will be forced to live with the guilt of killing such a divine being. As an added bonus, as you are growing your adorable forest of lemon trees and cacti, you can also plant a real tree in a real forest, and cross ‘help the environment’ off your ‘To Do’ list as well.

4. Procrastinate efficiently 

If you can’t go cold turkey, there are some things you can do to reign your procrastination in. Find a thing that is still ‘productive’ and has a limited time period to distract yourself before you face up to the main task. My favourite is procrasti-baking, but it has to be something relatively quick, like cookies or brownies – no Bake Off showstoppers for me. At university, I’ll go for a walk or listen to a podcast. Most people have some admin shoved in a drawer that could be filed away. As long as what you are doing is at least pretending to be productive and has a short time frame – thirty minutes at most – you can start to ween yourself off the thrill of endless hours pointlessly and pointedly avoiding eye contact with that essay.

The Naked Truth

Kat Harbourne and Jen Eells have a podcast. On that podcast, they interview women, from all walks of life about all sorts of things. Its much like several other podcasts that I listen to, except that when they interview their guest, they’re all naked.

It might sound like an odd premise for a podcast. After all, the listener can’t see Kat and Jen or their guest, there’s no live audience to ogle the naked flesh; it is easy to assume that the nudity is a gimmick designed to make The Naked Podcast stand out from the crowd. But after listening to any episode, it becomes clear that there is much more to this podcast than meets the ear. The guests bare all – flesh, stories, emotions, musings – and within a few minutes of derobing, they often sound as though they had known Kat and Jen for years. Even more interesting than the reactions of the guests is the development of the hosts throughout the series. The nerves of the first episode have long since vanished, replaced with a love and respect for their bodies that is not forced, is not artificial, is not saccharine. It is not present 100% of the time – body positivity activists are incredible people, but occasionally it can feel that if you do not love all of your body all of the time, you are not truly body positive. Kat and Jen are honest about their insecurities and open about the journey the podcast has led them on. In the first few episodes, they talk about the slimming group that Kat has joined; by the most recent episode, they are asking their guest, Mary Mutch, to be more forgiving towards her own body.

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The Naked Podcast

Each episode kicks off with the three Naked Truths. These are:

1.How would you describe your body?
2.What are you proudest of your body for achieving?
3.How do you feel about getting naked right now?

When I started thinking about this post, I wasn’t sure whether or not to answer these myself. But the very fact that I started getting uncomfortable when made to consider my own body and my relationship with it convinced me that these are important questions, not only for me, or the guests on The Naked Podcast, but for anyone who covers up in the gym changing rooms, or avoids their naked reflection in mirrors, or has ever tried a diet. So I’m going to answer the first two Naked Truths (the context of the podcast is sort of important for the last one, so I’ll save it in case I ever manage to sit naked with two lovely ladies from Sheffield.)

How would you describe your body?

There are numerous ways to describe my body. From an objective perspective, I’m about 5’6 and blondish. My knees are scarred from hockey pitches, I’ve got slightly rough skin on my arms which I am constantly being told off for messing with. I’m a healthy BMI (Body Mass Index) for my height and age (although I’m undecided how much store I set by BMI.) I have a straight line of moles on my neck and a very faint birthmark on my lower back. But before any of this, when I am asked to describe my body the first word that comes to mind is deceptive. I don’t always trust my body, I can’t always accept that what I see in the mirror is a reflection of reality. Sometimes it is too large, sometimes too small, often the wrong shape. Sometimes I am happy with what I can see, sometimes I am frustrated – I am rarely at peace with it, but increasingly I can maintain a ceasefire instead of all out war.

2. What are you proudest of your body for achieving?

I find this question easier than the first. I don’t need a consistently positive relationship with my body to recognise that it has achieved a lot in the past three years, despite my best efforts. The obvious – but no less truthful – answer is that I am proud of my body for getting me through a marathon. It got me through the 26 miles, and it got me through the hundreds of miles that I did for training. It healed injuries, dealt with the Beast From the East and coped with every mistake I made, from nutrition to training to clothing. But I am also proud of my body for getting me through my eating disorder. I abused and bullied my body, I denied it the fuel it needed to function. I pinched, pulled and pummelled it, forced it to devour itself in order to exist. And yet it survived, and I will always be proud of my body for that.

Find The Naked Podcast BBC Sheffield, The Naked Podcast, or follow them on Instagram at @TheNakedPodcast and Twitter at @TheNakedPodcast

Recovery

Almost two years ago, I found myself in a toilet stall in Malaysia, on the phone to my parents back at home, verbalising for the first time that my mind no longer felt like my own. After a month away from home, the Anorexia that had been controlling me through much of my final school year had grown into spitting, skeletal monster that had wrapped itself around my brain, distorting my perception of everything around me. The relief I felt when I finally said the words out loud was unparalleled, and in the weeks following my return home I felt like progress was being made. I had accepted I had a problem. I was receiving the counselling and nutritional guidance I needed. University still seemed like a sensible goal come October. Surely, the gap from diagnosis to full recovery would be a matter of months?

Unfortunately, this was not the case. I spent large parts of my recovery being told that I was brave for talking about my illness, and that I had overcome the biggest hurdle by accepting that I was unwell. But for several months after my first counselling session, I continued to feel that surge of euphoria when I stepped on the scales and the number dropped. I continued to weigh out my food, count my steps and calories, continued to overexercise. Recovery is not the neat, brief process I had imagined it to be, and accepting I was unwell was not the most difficult part. In fact, it became a new tool for the Anorexia to use; if I had accomplished this step, there was no need to try new foods or gain the weight back. As long as I was talking to people about the fact that I was unwell, I didn’t actually need to do anything to address the problem. I ended up in a bizarre situation where I could openly discuss my plans for recovery whilst edging closer to hospitalisation; I took a twisted pride in my manipulation of the situation, kidding myself that I was fooling those around me into believing I was engaging in recovery even whilst I faded into a bruised and delusional skeleton.

 

Recovery is not a smooth process, and it does not take mere months. I took an enforced gap year and when I finally reached university just over a year after my original diagnosis, it was not the experience I had been led expect from friends and the media. How to manage freshers’ week when you can’t bring yourself to drink alcohol for fear of ‘wasted’ calories? How to talk to someone you like when you are internally assessing every physical flaw you possess? How to deal with deadlines when you are too depressed to get out of bed? I made some fantastic friends, have a hugely supportive family and have medication to manage my depression, but first year has been a struggle. I have recently returned to counselling after verging on a relapse during exam season, and have been booked in for a bone density because I have not had a period in over two years. The fantasy of the rapid recovery I had talked about with my parents over the phone in Malaysia is laughable now, but not an uncommon perception. Mental health recovery is not smooth, it is not a journey of self discovery, it is not glamourous. I am still on antidepressants, still obsessed with food, still capable of spending hours at a time in front of a mirror dissecting my body. The body that may not be able to bear children because of what I have put it through, the body that I continue to berate and critique on a daily basis. 

Recovery is the best thing I have ever done, but let no one tell you that it is not brutal. It is necessary. It is the only option, but it may take years and it will not be without struggle. Do not be cosseted by the notion that talking is enough; it is crucial, but you have to act on your words. I have to act every day to prevent the monster feeding on my hunger, and it is empowering, exhausting and exhilarating all at once. But it is a battle I am proud of and a battle that is happening in every country, city and home every day. You are more than your illness, more than your recovery and every action you take creates a new identity that is not defined by these things.

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Previously posted on https://foodfitnessflora.blog